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| Author |
Message |
harper
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a question
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Sep 4 00:52 UTC 1997 |
How would you suggest going about telling your girlfriend that you are
bisexual?
I mean, I've know for sometime, but never told her. How do you go about
breaking something like that?
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| 45 responses total. |
void
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response 1 of 45:
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Sep 4 03:26 UTC 1997 |
how long have you two been dating? are you fairly serious about each
other? is your relationship going well right now?
not that playing "twenty questions" is the point here, but these
are all things you might want to consider before telling her something
this important. breaking news to someone whose opinion you value, and
of whose reaction you're unsure, is never easy. make sure you're both
in a non-stressful situation (although right after sex would probably
be a bad idea) and in a mood for conversation. then say something along
the lines of, "there's something i'd like to tell you. i'm bisexual."
then again, subtlety has never been my strong point. anyone else
have suggestions?
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jazz
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response 2 of 45:
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Sep 4 14:10 UTC 1997 |
Depends on who they are, their feelings for the subject, and how seure
they are in theor own sexuality, plus the reasons for telling them - is it
because you want them to know you better, or because you'd like to expand your
relationships to include others?
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arianna
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response 3 of 45:
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Sep 4 21:37 UTC 1997 |
Remember, honesty is a good policy...
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mta
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response 4 of 45:
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Sep 5 00:22 UTC 1997 |
Hmmm, my husband and I are both bi and as I remember it came up over
dinner.
We were comparing notes about specifics that we liked or didn't like in
our various friends' and aquaintances' relationships. It was fairly
early on in the relationship, before the first "I love you", when we
were still sorting out (separately) whether we would be able to be happy
together.
I don't rememeber the specifics very well -- but knowing our usual
communication I expect it was pretty straightforward:
"Well, I'm bi, so ..."
"You are? That's funny! Me, too."
...or something like that.
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orinoco
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response 5 of 45:
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Sep 6 03:34 UTC 1997 |
My girlfriend knows I'm bi, but she's fairly open-minded and found out before
we became a couple. So, as for the added intricacies of telling someone who
you're in a relationship with, and not just a friendship, I don't know how
much help I'll be.
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snowth
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response 6 of 45:
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Sep 6 05:51 UTC 1997 |
Yeah, but orin, I doubt I'd react any differently if you brought it up after
we had started going out, so I don't think it'd make that much of a
difference..
Of course, if you've been around her for a while (either dating or just
friends) and am just bringing it up now, she might question why *now*, instead
of a while ago, or something. YOu know what I'm saying?
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jazz
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response 7 of 45:
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Sep 6 11:58 UTC 1997 |
Not to put too finde a point on it, but it's also a good way to
discriminate against prejudice in a relationship ...
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orinoco
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response 8 of 45:
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Sep 6 15:03 UTC 1997 |
Well, I certainly would never want to be going out with a complete homophobe,
if that's what you're referring to.
But certainly there are friends of mine who, if I'd told in a blunt way, I'd
have scared them off, but instead I managed to change their opinions somewhat,
which was a much more worthwhile way of going about things.
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explorer
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response 9 of 45:
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May 1 16:52 UTC 1999 |
what kind of "training" do you have in mind, orinoco? I'm not quite sure what
yomean.
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orinoco
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response 10 of 45:
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May 1 23:09 UTC 1999 |
You know, I have no idea what I was referring to in #8....
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cyberpnk
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response 11 of 45:
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May 4 15:28 UTC 1999 |
A sticky situation, however you go about it.....
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bookworm
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response 12 of 45:
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May 5 00:39 UTC 1999 |
with Jon and I, it came up in conversation.
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brown
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response 13 of 45:
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May 6 05:39 UTC 1999 |
what came up in conv.. ( just to amke sure it is all clear)
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bookworm
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response 14 of 45:
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May 7 18:19 UTC 1999 |
The fact that he was bisexual. I discovered my own sexuality shortly
after we became engaged. I guess you could say loving Jonathan helped
me to put it into perspective.
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keesan
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response 15 of 45:
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May 7 22:34 UTC 1999 |
How does one discover one's own sexuality?
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orinoco
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response 16 of 45:
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May 7 23:24 UTC 1999 |
People are very good at ignoring things that they don't want to realize, is
what it boils down to. If I don't like the idea of being anything but
straight, chances are I'll avoid noticing same-sex attractions until something
forces me to notice them.
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bookworm
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response 17 of 45:
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May 7 23:34 UTC 1999 |
(ding)That is correct! Johnny, tell him what he's won!
;) That is absolutely right.
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jazz
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response 18 of 45:
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May 8 04:55 UTC 1999 |
There's more too it than the obvious, though ... I'm quite straight
and yet during or shortly after relationships, people I've been involved with
have realised their bisexuality. Which is one of the factors I've
unconsciously included in positing that everyone inherently has the
possibility of bisexuality.
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gypsi
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response 19 of 45:
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May 8 17:29 UTC 1999 |
Keesan - I had always been attracted to women but could never picture myself
having sexual relations with them. Then, one week a couple of years ago, I
had dreams about it. I was comfortable and liked it. I started hanging out
with Rachael a month later when we met in theater, and she was very kind about
going slowly. I like cuddling her, touching her hips, etc, so I went with
it. It took that one breakthrough, and I've been "out" ever since.
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keesan
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response 20 of 45:
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May 9 00:19 UTC 1999 |
Is it possible for people to change from hetero to homo or bi as they get
older, or do they just realize that is what they were all along?
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brown
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response 21 of 45:
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May 9 04:01 UTC 1999 |
hmmmm
<scratches head>
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i
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response 22 of 45:
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May 9 11:50 UTC 1999 |
Well, if a girl is raised in a closed, old-fashioned sexist environment
that teaches her that she *will* grow up to be a wife/mother/domestic
servant, then later starts to realize that she can and wants to have a
life and ambitions of her own, would you say that she has changed or that
just her knowledge has changed?
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brighn
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response 23 of 45:
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May 9 15:31 UTC 1999 |
In my opinion, people are gay/straight not because of who they're attracted
to but because of who they're *not* attracted to. Most people, in my opinion,
are "born bi" from the standpoint that they have potential attraction to
either gender. what happens is, IMHO, that they develop an aversion to one
gender or the other as they grow up, either through education, exposure, or
emotional trauma (or some combination thereof).
So, yes, if somebody were to overcome their aversion, they could change
orientation, IMHO.
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jazz
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response 24 of 45:
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May 9 15:43 UTC 1999 |
Based on my undestanding of human sexuality, that's as good a theory
as any, and better than most that I've read.
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