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Grex > Glb > #12: What the hell am I? | |
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crescent
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What the hell am I?
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Apr 13 03:54 UTC 1997 |
I am male. Since I was fairly young, I have wished I was female. But, I'm
not gay. I doubt I'm even bi. It's just that I think I would feel more
comfortable as a woman.
It's not just that I feel more affinity for female characters in fiction or
movies. It's not just that I enjoy wearing nail polish, jewlery, and long
hair, and would wear a dress if I could get away with it. It's not just a
preference for dance and art over football and beer.
It's not just that women seem to form closer friendships than men; It's not
just that women are less afraid to talk about their feelings; It's not just
that men are so damn homophobic and women are so unafraid of physical contact;
It's not just that women are so much more supportive.
If it were just those, I might be satisfied with being a 'sensitive guy', or
a guy in women's clothing, or whatever. But it isn't just those; nor is it
just womb envy or anything Freudian like that; nor is it homosexuality. I
dont just want to dress like a woman and act like a woman: I want to *be* a
woman.
What the hell am I?
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| 185 responses total. |
crescent
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response 1 of 185:
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Apr 13 04:04 UTC 1997 |
Re-reading this item, I realize that there are three false impressions I could
be giving. The first is that I think men are scum. I *don't* think men are
scum, or at least not all men. I realize I am being somewhat stereotypical
in my descriptions of 'what men are like' or 'what women are like', but as
I said those aren't really the issue anyway.
The second is my age. I am only 15; I use the words 'man' and 'woman' instead
of 'boy' and 'girl' because I think those words are more appropriate, and more
universal.
The third is my identity IRL. Yes, I am a pseudo of a 'real grexer'. All
the information I have given is true, I promise you, and I have not tried to
cover my tracks, but I do not feel comfortable revealing my 'real login' or
real life identity. I would appreciate it if you do not try to uncover
them--I'd like to keep my privacy.
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mary
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response 2 of 185:
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Apr 13 10:04 UTC 1997 |
I would talk to a professional. Find a way.
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babozita
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response 3 of 185:
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Apr 13 16:56 UTC 1997 |
You're a transexual, Crescent. There are many people who feel the way you do.
In general, there are three trans- classifications:
transvestite: someone who feels more comfortable in the clothing of the
opposite gender, especially for special occasions or at particular times (such
as going out on Friday nights)
transgender: someone who lives live as if they were the opposite gender; this
goes beyond dress, but includes choice of career, name, significant others,
and so on
transsexual: someone who feels the need to, and frequently carries through
with getting an operation (and series of hormonal treatments) in order to
have the external anatomy of the opposite (anatomical) gender (that is, to
put external anatomy in concordance with internal/psychological anatomy
(I frequently confuse transgender and transsexual, so if I got them backwards,
someone can correct me.)
Anyway, at your age, the first step would be to find someone who has a
background dealing with these issues and talk to them. A professional,
perhaps, but not necessarily. Avoid people who invalidate you, and try to
"cure" you, but likewise avoid people who try to manipulate you against some
societal enemy, like "The Man", which is what some militant GLBT folks might
do. If you're Ann Arbor local, there IS a GLB youth services org that would
be able to help you (Gateway? is that what it's called?). There are similar
groups in other cities.
It's possible that psychological therapy will lead you to resolving whatever
issues you have that lead you to feel this way, and taht you'll reconcile
yourself with your anatomical birth gender, or that occasioanl tranvesitite
or transgender events will maintain your happiness. It's also possible,
though, that ultimately you'll decide on a surgical gender modification
(though these are expensive, do require a good deal of physical and
psychological therapy, and are difficult to obtain). My primary advice would
be to explore your desires only on the level of non-surgical changes, with
the support of a professional or supportive social group.
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mta
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response 4 of 185:
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Apr 14 16:16 UTC 1997 |
It's called being "transexual". It's not particularlycommon, but it's
not unheard of either. Mary's right. Through professional counseling
you can find out whether it'spossible for you to become more comfortable
in your male body,or whether, fo you, the best answer is to have the
series treatments (some chemical, some surgical) that could give you
the body of a woman.
I wish you well.
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babozita
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response 5 of 185:
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Apr 14 21:19 UTC 1997 |
"Mary's right"? I'm assuming that was a misread, Misti. Though Mary did
recommend therapy, I was the one with the details...
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jazz
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response 6 of 185:
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Apr 16 07:14 UTC 1997 |
It seems to make sense in context ... if the context is about getting
professional help.
I can understand that. It'd be a hell of a difficult experience, and
since the alternatives in true transsexualism range from doing nothing to the
full operation, there's a lot to consider.
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jenna
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response 7 of 185:
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Apr 21 00:53 UTC 1997 |
Until ou're 18... your best bet would be to look into why you feel this
way ... make sure its not a general discomfort with life or something
that won't go away with a change... or try just ACTING like a woman
if it makes you more comfortabel, fot eh time being.
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keesan
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response 8 of 185:
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Feb 8 17:25 UTC 1998 |
Why does it bother other people so much if someone wants to act the way they
feel like acting, rather than as a 'woman' or a 'man'. Why can't someone wear
jewelry and play football? Many of the 'feminine' or 'masculine' traits are
culture-specific or change over time, anyway. Men used to wear as much
jewelry as women even in Western culture, and women have done heavy physical
labor, such as mining. (Well, maybe you would not want to play football while
wearing dangling earrings.) Do the external manifestations such as what you
wear let people act different ways?
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i
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response 9 of 185:
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Feb 8 20:24 UTC 1998 |
Most people are really stupid, and don't want to have to cope with other
people who don't fit into a few cramped little pigeonholes in their tiny
minds. Or even the idea that it's possible for a person not to fit into
one of those little bone-lined pigeonholes. If you draw attention to
yourself and their mental deficiencies by failing to fit one of their
little niches, the British Soccer Fan lobe of their little brains may
feel stimulated to stop the unacceptable messages by getting rid of
the messenger.
(Take this no more than 75% seriously.)
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keesan
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response 10 of 185:
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Feb 8 20:33 UTC 1998 |
Maybe that is why babies nowadays are being labelled with girl or boy
clothing. I hear that from about the twenties through the forties or even
fifties baby clothing and toddler clothing was more Unisex.
People seem to be set up to view things binary - a color has to be blue or
green, not both. Something to do with the structure of the brain? It is
probably easier to classify someone statistically as belonging in all respects
to a large group, rather than as an individual (with all those extra pluses
and minuses to remember). It may be similar to spoken language - all sounds
have to be classified as belonging to one phoneme or another, not between the
two, and people can't learn new phonemes past about age 12. Do you think it
is possible to educate today's under-12's to view people as not all belonging
to the male or female category in every single trait? Judging from the
responses of several younger grex members, I am hopeful.
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orinoco
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response 11 of 185:
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Feb 9 03:46 UTC 1998 |
Well, I'd hazard a guess that gender roles have gotten looser, not stricter,
since the forties, even if baby clothing for boys and girls has gotten so
different.
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brown
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response 12 of 185:
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Feb 10 02:15 UTC 1998 |
way to go 'i'
keesan..dress CAN affect how others see us and how we see
ourselves...
hell, put me in a tie and vest and you probably wont see me
flkinging my legs over the side of the chair...not that i do it
consciensly but..
well if I act how I'm dresses how can i expect others not to base a
first impression on it....
i still say be who yo are ECT ECT ECT
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font
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response 13 of 185:
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Feb 10 03:21 UTC 1998 |
This may be a bit simplistic, but you are a transvestite. Being one doesn't
say that you are gay. The stereotype says this, but I don't buy those, and
hope that most people don't. After all, people are much more diverse than
all the strereotypes in the world... I have several male friends who are,
too. One is bi and one is straight. Neither can fit in those square holes
that stereotypes are. Oh, another answer that I migtht say is that you are
a woman in a man's body...which ever you prefer...
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keesan
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response 14 of 185:
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Feb 11 00:24 UTC 1998 |
I feel just fine about what genetic sex I am, and still feel ridiculous
wearing what my mother insisted was the appropriate clothing. You don't have
to feel you are in the wrong-sex body to not want to wear certain clothing.
I would not want to wear a suit and tie or heels and nylons.
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orinoco
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response 15 of 185:
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Feb 11 03:57 UTC 1998 |
Oh, screw this - I've forgotten the password and I wanna join this discussion
<g>
Crescent was a pseudo of mine that I set up last year when I was still barely
out of the closet, and just beginning to understand what the hell was going
on. Suffice to say, I got pretty stressed-out and flaky, and grex was a good
way to rant anonymously in public. Until now, I was a tad bit embarrased to
admit this was me, but what the hell, I make a fool of myself incessantly
anyway.
(We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...)
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snowth
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response 16 of 185:
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Feb 11 04:48 UTC 1998 |
Yeah... rereading it, it does sound like you... yet another *duh* moment (you
know what I think of retrospect... <snowth bangs her head into wall>)
But we've had this discussion before. And no, I don't think you're making a
fool of yourself. :)
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orinoco
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response 17 of 185:
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Feb 11 05:00 UTC 1998 |
We're glad you approve.
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snowth
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response 18 of 185:
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Feb 11 05:19 UTC 1998 |
(besides, you'd make a very cute female. <wink>)
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keesan
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response 19 of 185:
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Feb 11 05:25 UTC 1998 |
People only make fools of themselves in their own eyes. You can get away with
most anything if you don't think it is foolish. IF you act foolish-feeling,
that is how people will treat you. If you act confident but different from
them;, they are more likely to wonder about themselves.
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brighn
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response 20 of 185:
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Feb 11 18:42 UTC 1998 |
I have a hard time believeing that if I wore a brassiere on my head and spread
pudding on my chest, with confidence and panache, that nobody would mutter,
"Look at that fool!"
I agree with the broad sentiment that people tend to more self-cconscious than
their behavior actually merits, though.
As to the linguistics comment, that's wrong, it's just plain wrong. I've
learned plenty of phonemes since I turned 12. Another in a long line of
linguistic oversimplifications.
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keesan
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response 21 of 185:
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Feb 11 20:03 UTC 1998 |
Re phonemes, very few people can learn to correctly pronounce sounds in a
foreign languages after age 12. They tend to pronounce them the same as in
their own language. Maybe you are one of the rare exceptions. Or maybe you
don't hear the difference, I know I have trouble learning especially new
vowels, since I can't hear the differences. (My father used to brag he spoke
good French. Only French I have ever heard with a Boston accent).
Re feeling foolish, are you sure you would not feel foolish dressed the way
you suggest. I admit I may have exaggerated a bit, but if you really believe
you are doing something right, unless you are pretty mixed up, other people
will be more likely to respect you and consider you normal. But, espeically
for young people, it is hard to be self-confident about being different, even
though would feel probably more silly acting the same as other people if that
meant doing something you did not believe in. Perhaps I have answered my own
question about the kiss-in, it gives people more self-confidence to do what
they believe is right.
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orinoco
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response 22 of 185:
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Feb 11 20:31 UTC 1998 |
Rather, it's _effort_ to learn new phonemes. I have, for instance, an aunt
who's a linguist - she has been trained to tell the difference between very
close phonemes, so she can pick up that difference very easily. I can manage
passably well, having taken foreign languages, but I still have a lot of
trouble with close differences that would be obvious to, say, a french-speaker
There's a difference between feeling foolish and looking foolish. It is quite
possible to look just fine but feel like a fool, or to look foolisha nd feel
perfectly confident.
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font
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response 23 of 185:
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Feb 12 09:08 UTC 1998 |
I just worry about the feeling foolish part, not the beseen as foolish. (and
about *being* foolish: well it doesn't exist...unless someone in the audience
have an *objective* manner of detecting foolishness...(font pulls out her
clip board)
oops! I mean *has* an objective manner of detecting...
<font sits in the grammar jail for an illegal past tense se>
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keesan
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response 24 of 185:
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Feb 12 19:33 UTC 1998 |
Some actions seem to make you feel more or less foolish, depending on the
circumstances. My neighbor, who normally teaches in cowboy boots and jeans,
wore a dress, nylons and heels to class once, for Halloween. (She dressed
as a 'girl'). I suspect she would have felt foolish dressing that way the
rest of the year. That is what Mardi-Gras type celebrations (and probably
kiss-ins) do, they allow you to do anything, that once, without any need for
social approval or feeling foolish.
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