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abchan
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Would you take his name?
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Mar 21 03:00 UTC 1998 |
Traditionally, upon marriage, women took their husband's last names. This
is still common, but no longer as typical as it used to be. So, question to
the females: if you plan to or are already married, would you change your name
and take your spouses' last name upon marriage? (Men who read this conference
can comment on their female friends, including but not limited to spouses'
decisions) Please state reasons for the decision you choose, pros and cons,
etc.
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| 39 responses total. |
anderyn
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response 1 of 39:
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Mar 22 23:31 UTC 1998 |
I did indeed change my name. Never occurred to me not to, although I did
toy with hyphenation for a while, before deciding that it was just too
unweildy after about five dozen job interviews. (Okay, maybe just a dozen,
but I got tired of being mispronounced, etc.) And to tell the truth, I
much prefer being a Price to being an Oxley, and I think -- yep, in about
a year, I will have been a Price just as long as I was an Oxley, and then
I can count that I will have been a Price even longer... ANd that will
be a very good feeling.
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keesan
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response 2 of 39:
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Mar 23 00:35 UTC 1998 |
Hope this is not too irrelevant, but there are also cases where men change
their last names to that of their wife. I once translated a set of documents
in which a Serb married a German woman, took her name, then divorced her a
kept the name. Maybe he thought a German name would be more useful?
What is an anderyn?
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birdlady
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response 3 of 39:
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Mar 23 02:49 UTC 1998 |
I plan on changing my name because it's romantic in my eyes. To feel like
part of my husband and the married couple, sharing the last name would be
wonderful. I also love change, and it will be Very Cool to have a new last
name after having this one for almost thirty years. (We aren't planning on
marriage until I have my masters degree, which will probably be when I'm 26
or 27).
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orinoco
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response 4 of 39:
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Mar 23 03:37 UTC 1998 |
My mom didn't change her name, so the idea of one person being 'relabeled'
for marriage, but not the other person, has always struck me as a bit strange.
I've heard of couples making up a new last name, or combining their own last
names into a single name, not hyphenated, which sounds like an interesting
idea.
Really, I don't think I'd want my wife to take my name if/when I get married,
but I wouldn't object if she strongly wanted to.
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clees
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response 5 of 39:
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Mar 23 07:27 UTC 1998 |
Swapping names could be an option as well.
Or, as Keesan just put her finger on the spot: it could very well be
that men want to adapt the name of their significant other.
pragmatically I'd say, the traditional way won't get you in too much
adminstrative trouble.
Easthetically I'd say take the name that goes best with your first name.
For example Willy (girl's name) marrieing to a guy with last name Kok,
which means Cook, but can be misinterpreted around here.
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keesan
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response 6 of 39:
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Mar 23 18:33 UTC 1998 |
Anyone know what the laws on the subject used to be? I think it was sort of
automatic that women's names changed. Judging from my certificate
translations, E. Europe has gone from this stance to an equal rights sort of
attitude. Instead of asking for man's name and woman's name, including maiden
name, they now ask for 'last name at birth', and in marriage certificates you
have to list which last name will be used by husband, wife, and children, and
they can all be different (except it looks like the children all have the same
last name). I have seen a lot of instances of Slavic women keeping their
original last names, or hyphenating, but don't recall men hyphenating.
My brother was given a first name, the middle initial M. (but no name)
and my father's last name. He was eventually supposed to pick a middle name,
if he wanted one. He married a Meltzer, and changed the M. to Meltzer. His
wife's name stayed unchanged.
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mta
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response 7 of 39:
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Mar 24 01:32 UTC 1998 |
The first time I married, I didn't take his name. I couldn't pronounce it
properly (he's european) and I didn't especially like his name. When I
married for the second time, I took my husbands name. It seemed more intimate
somehow -- and I liked his last name. ;)
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beeswing
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response 8 of 39:
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Mar 24 03:07 UTC 1998 |
All the reasons for changing the name make sense to me. I think it would be so
cool to run into people I haven't seen in ages, and I can say something like,
"Oh, well I'm Trisha Smith now!". I like the idea of taking on a new name,
unless it's something horrible like Misti discussed. It's important to me to
have family unity, that we all have the same name. I can understand the
patriarchy argument... but then I got my last name from my dad, so what would
the difference be really?
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scg
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response 9 of 39:
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Mar 24 07:25 UTC 1998 |
My name is my identity. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had a less common
first name, but as it is I have always been "Steve Gibbard." It would feel
very strange and confusing if that changed. Since that's how I feel, I kind
of have a perhaps not realistic assumption that anybody I end up marrying
would feel the same way and would want to retain her own identity. Of course,
in reality, that depends on who that person is and how they feel about it.
If my hypothetical wife wanted to take my last name, I'd find it a bit weird
but I don't think I would object.
I think my mother initially kept her own last name when she married my dad,
but changed it to my dad's last name pretty quickly afterwards, for reasons
I don't remember. My step mom kept her last name when she and my dad got
married, but now, a little more than six years later, she's started using my
dad's last name socially. She's still using her own last name professionally,
and I think legally. If I'm talking about her using her last name for some
reason, I still call her by her original last name out of habit, because it
doesn't occur to me not to until I've already said it.
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iggy
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response 10 of 39:
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Mar 24 15:55 UTC 1998 |
i took hubby's last name about 7 years ago.
i felt my 'maiden' name was boring, and it had far too
much emotional baggage associated with it. plus, i liked hubby's
last name. as you can see, i still use a version of it as my
online name.
i also used this name beforee we were even a 'couple'.
i feel i would have changed my name anyway, whether i was married or not.
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anderyn
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response 11 of 39:
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Mar 24 18:43 UTC 1998 |
Errr... I know people who didn't change, and a couple that took both names
TePaske King, though I don't know who's name was whose... But I wanted
to change.
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keesan
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response 12 of 39:
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Mar 24 19:49 UTC 1998 |
Iggy, is hubby's last name igor, von, or heineken? I don't follow which name
you were using before you were a 'couple'. Too many names to follow.
Steve, that is interesting about changing last names part way through a
marriage. I wonder if it is because the relationship changed, or if social
customs are changing back again.
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iggy
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response 13 of 39:
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Mar 25 00:13 UTC 1998 |
my eal last name is VanHeyningen.
the original spelling was VanHeijningen.
the sound for 'k' and 'g' are virtually alike.
according to my hubby's family lore, they are distant
cousins to the beer people.
i liked hubby's name so much that i would often use the version
of it 'von heiniken'. totally made up, but inspired by the real name.
but he wasnt hubby at the time, he was just a friend.
'igor' is just a made up name. my real first name is chris
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clees
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response 14 of 39:
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Mar 25 13:02 UTC 1998 |
re #13:
" my real last name is VanHeyningen.
the original spelling was VanHeijningen.
the sound for 'k' and 'g' are virtually alike.
according to my hubby's family lore, they are distant
cousins to the beer people."
Well, the "k" is pronounced entirely different from the "g" in Dutch.
A k sounds the same as in english, but the "g" can be pronounced either
as
1. scraping your throat
2. or the same way as in going
Te latter is the case in VanHeijningen
Whether this is related to the Heinekens (mark the e), I do not know.
Genealogy could prove that out.
Certainly they have dropped the "Van" if they had it at all.
As for me:
my name has got a good rythm: Rick Vermunt (1,2,3)
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iggy
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response 15 of 39:
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Mar 25 16:59 UTC 1998 |
i dont know either.. it is just family lore.
hubby's family pronounces it where the 'k' and 'g' are the same, like
a gutteral back of the throat sound.
it seems that the original way it was said is unknown to me.
could you give me a quick lesson/?
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abchan
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response 16 of 39:
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Apr 8 20:19 UTC 1998 |
I've been asking several female friends the same question. Most seemed quite
willing to take their husband's last name upon marriage, or a hypenation.
One did point out that right now she would, because she isn't established yet,
but if she is higher up in her company by the time she marries, she may not
because it would confuse people. All this seems to have a common theme of
"I'd take his name, unless..." which for some reasons struck me as odd.
So far I think #9 (scg) is the only person who associates name with identity.
Do any women out there feel that way? As much as I sometimes complain about
the trouble I and my friends have gotten into because of how common both my
first and last names are, it is who I am.
Am I the only female who feels that way?
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valerie
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response 17 of 39:
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Apr 9 21:02 UTC 1998 |
This response has been erased.
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clees
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response 18 of 39:
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Apr 14 11:52 UTC 1998 |
At least Mates sounds better than popcorn, haha.
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anderyn
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response 19 of 39:
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Apr 18 23:33 UTC 1998 |
Interesting. I am who I am no matter what I am called. I prefer to think
of myself as me, rather than an Oxley or a Price. So it was no big deal
to change my name.
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abchan
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response 20 of 39:
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Apr 19 00:28 UTC 1998 |
Maybe I'm too used to being referred to by my last name...
For those who plan to or have changed their names, do you worry about the
legacy of your maiden name, i.e. are you making any arrangements for it to
"live on"? I remember reading responses about people whose middle name is
their mother's maiden name, which is one way of having a name live on.
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mary
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response 21 of 39:
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Apr 19 11:37 UTC 1998 |
My mother and father had three daughters. We all married and
left our maiden names behind without a thought. When I married
for the second time I left my first-marriage name behind, without
a thought. Names aren't what's important. To me.
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abchan
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response 22 of 39:
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Apr 20 01:09 UTC 1998 |
It's also hard to track down people who change their names.
(This from someone who spent two years tracking down an old friend because
she couldn't remember friend's husband's last name)
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anderyn
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response 23 of 39:
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Apr 22 01:37 UTC 1998 |
I didn't care one bit about the family name. So what?
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scg
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response 24 of 39:
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Apr 22 05:17 UTC 1998 |
I wonder if there might be a difference in perception of the importance of
a last name, between people who have grown up assuming that they will always
have the same last name, and people who have grown up assuming that the last
name is something that will be gotten rid of as soon as they find somebody
to marry.
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