Woman battering. . .why don't they fight back?

Dec 17 18:38 UTC 1993

It's not a very cheerful topic to discuss around the holidays, but this is the
time when woman battering occurs quite frequently.  This may be partially due
the streses endemic to the holiday season, or the fact the people do alot of
drinking and partying at this time.  But what I am interested in starting a
discussion about is, what the rest of you think about the fact that it is
frequently extremely difficult to help a battered woman leave her abuser. 
Spouse abusal has been a problem throughout history, and no doubt will continue
to be a problem.  The numbers and fequencies have not dimished in spite of the
women's movement. What is also of interest, is that in some statistical
studies, about 45% of the assaults on women were accompanied by similar
assaults on at least one child in the househole.  Ninety-five  percent of the
victim/mothers did not report their husband to the authorities for child abuse.

response 4 of 78:

Feb 5 20:23 UTC 1994

This is a topic that needs to be addressed by help organizations and
the mass-media.  A variety of PSRs offering help organizations.  Most
people watch television.  I've seen a dribble of support for this on
T.V.  There could be much more.  Lots of men still think consciously
or subconsciouly that "the b____ deserves it", so there's still the
cultural inertia to contend with.

Lots of the time, the subcultures in which battered women live have
this as part of the milleiu so friends get together and commiserate, but
theires not this big push to get out of the bad marriage or relationship.

response 6 of 78:

Nov 25 22:19 UTC 1994

If their are children involved, there is concern for their well-being
as well (this might more often be a motivator for male victims, since it 
is more difficult for a male to get custody, but it's certainly a major
concern for both sides)...

response 8 of 78:

Dec 4 04:46 UTC 1994

Interesting, my father had to fight for custody.
But, I don't know general stats, just specific incidents.

response 10 of 78:

Nov 16 16:51 UTC 1995

From a full-time cop and a part-time cop/911 dispatcher (wolfmage & otter):
The worst season for domestic violence is late January.
The worst day/time for domestic violence is Sunday afternoon.
I think you've hit on (no pun intended) the basic reasons women don't leave
a situation like that: little/no self esteem, fear he'll find her and drag
her back, perceived lack of alternatives.
The most frustrating thing is getting a call to break up a domestic fight,
then having the battered party not take action against the batterer. If the
batterer never suffers consequences, the violence will continue and usually
escalates in scope over time. Sending the scum to jail, then tossing his
personal posessions out the door and having him served with a restraining
order tends to get the point across.
And the stories you hear about restraining orders not being effective/enforced
are *rare* exceptions.

response 14 of 78:

Nov 19 20:34 UTC 1995

Could you ladies keep it down?  It's Sunday afternoon... I'm trying to
watch the game.

*hides*

*doesn't even watch football, though his wife does (at least one of them...
he should ask the other one...)*

response 16 of 78:

Nov 20 14:20 UTC 1995

Sounds like the world of 1950's TV sitcoms and newspaper comic
strips. I thought we'd moved beyond that.

response 18 of 78:

Nov 20 16:29 UTC 1995

Re remmers's comment about 1950s sitcoms and comic strips, I wonder 
if it's ever been remarked that with a few notable exceptions 
(mainly Lucille Ball) it's the men, not the women, who were 
routinely portrayed as bumbling, stupid, lazy and gullible.  The 
wives tended to be the stable personalities whose level heads saved 
their families from their husbands' crack-brained plans.  Even in "I 
Love Lucy," where the wives' over-the-top zaniness was the comic 
hook, the husbands were given equal time in dunce hats -- ie, the 
entire cast was basically insane.  But in more typical sitcoms like 
"The Honeymooners," even when the husband was being such a moron 
that the wife could've acted a little silly herself and still looked 
good by comparison, the wife was *never* allowed to be anything but 
sane, strong, intelligent, reasonable.  That hasn't changed much 
over the years.  Ralph and Alice, Ozzie and Harriet, Dagwood and 
Blondie -- right down to Tim Allen and John Goodman on today's 
sitcoms.

I remember one "Roseanne" episode that was supposed to be a parody 
of the typical 1950s sitcom.  They must've spent a fortune on it: it 
was shot in faux-grainy black and white, and came complete with 
elaborate parodies of commercials.  The husband was portrayed as the 
all-knowing wisdom-dispensing lord of the house, and the wife was a 
silly creature slavishly subservient to him.  To one who grew up 
with those old sitcoms and remembers them well, it rang horribly 
false; but I got the impression that it would have been impolite to 
say so.  We're all expected to pretend that that's the way things 
used to be on TV, I guess.  

response 20 of 78:

Nov 20 20:20 UTC 1995

Brighn, don't forget _Blondie_, _Bringing Up Father_, et al.

response 22 of 78:

Nov 21 00:08 UTC 1995

Thanks, Bruin.  I also forgot Drabble.
*that* one surprised me when I saw it...