response 1 of 40:

May 18 00:27 UTC 1996

And how are your friendshipswith the other gender different, if at all,
then with the same gender friends? [Or for those in gay relationships,
reverse the genders!?]

response 3 of 40:

May 18 11:42 UTC 1996

This item has been linked from Femme 57 to Intro 33.
Type "join femme" at the Ok: prompt for discussion of women's issues.

response 5 of 40:

May 18 20:17 UTC 1996

I am most comfortable with men because I don't feel as if I'm "competing".
If I go out with a guy to the movies or something, I don't worry about if I
look better or not.  ;-)  Plus, they make great huggers, and they give me
honest opinions on men.  I know a guy is a true friend if I can ask with a
straight face, "So why *are* you so fascinated with breasts?"  Seriously --
I feel a closer bond with my female friends, but the male friends are close
to me in a different way.  They help me see life in their point of view.
I have dated a friend once, it didn't work out, and I haven't talked to him
since last year.  "Nuff said.  I hate dating friends, but sometimes friendship
starts the best relationship.  I mean, friendship and communication are key
elements to a successful commitment...right?

response 7 of 40:

May 20 05:43 UTC 1996

I have always noticed a different quality to my friendships with women and
men.  I guess that, having so many of my "friends" who are male show interest
all of a sudden has made me realize that 1) there is fluidity in relationships
with peole and 2) yeah, relationships with men are different becasue there's
always teh "possibility"...
I would disagree that the differences are significant when you're 
talking about a queer person's friendships vs. a straignt person's friendships
with teh same/opposite sex/gender.  (whoa, are you confused yet??)
A lot of my queer friends agree with me about the different qualities of
firndships with women and friendshipa with men... and I used to say I had
more/less friendships of more/less depth with one than the other, but now I've
given up on making such hierarchies

response 9 of 40:

May 20 17:26 UTC 1996

Depends on the reason for categorizing. For instance, in
considering someone to be my spouse, the gender of the person has
always been an extremely important issue for me. :)

response 11 of 40:

May 22 01:06 UTC 1996

true people are people, but men/boys adn women/girls have been socialized
differently, and therefore are in general different.  It is possible to talk
about different relationships with men and with women.

response 13 of 40:

May 25 19:38 UTC 1996

I'm not saying that I decide to have friends with only one or the other
"sexes", but I am saying that my relationships with and reactions to menadn
women are in general different.

response 15 of 40:

Jun 23 23:57 UTC 1996

I have trouble with the concept of "best friend" -- maybe it's the stage of
my life or maybe it my circumstances, or maybe it's just me.  When I try
to come up with who my "best friend" is I come up with 6 or 7 people among
whom I find it impossible to choose.  I think they've all met, but we aren't
a "group" or anything.  I just have very close feelings for these people
even when life keeps me too busy to see them.  (I don't have much of a social
life these days.)

My group of friends has more women than men right now, but that hasn't always
been the case.  I was brought up the only girl-child in a family of 8.  My
family was extremely chauvinistic and patriarchal, so it was years before I
came to appreciate women.

Now I'd say that I find women easier to become close to, but once I get close
to someone the differences have more to do with the individuals involved than
with their gender.  (Although I'll admit a general trend toward gentle,
sensitive men and strong minded women among my closest friends.)

response 17 of 40:

Jun 26 01:04 UTC 1996

To me, asking the difference in friendships between men and women is like
asking me if I differentiate my friendships between short and tall people.
I don't pay attention to their gender, size or age.  I don't care how they
look.  I care how we relate to each other.  I have always found that the
concept of having a best friend is too limiting.  I like different people for
different reasons.  I guess I am one of those people who don't know any
strangers.  I just like people and find that I am always learning something
from them, whether by observation or by interaction.  I do find that those
who are hardest to be friendly with are those in your own family...maybe
because they expect you to be better than what you are and don't as easily
accept how you grow and change.

response 19 of 40:

Jul 5 17:35 UTC 1996

I personally do not differentiate my friendships based on gender because I
have very few friends to differentiate (big word :).  Still, there are things
that i can say to my males friends that I can't say to my female friends, and
vice versa.  The only time this makes me uncomfortable is when they say things
about each other.

response 21 of 40:

Sep 1 14:35 UTC 1996

I enjoy my friendships w
[opps!] with both sexes... But they tend to be on somewhat different
levels--though both are very important to me.

The main thing I have a problem with with my friendships with men--
and fortunately, it hasn't happened often, is when one of us
is interested in being more than just friends.  I've backed off on
a friendship awhile back because of this [and in some ways, I'm saddened
that we don't have the same level of friendship that we used to have].

Currently, there is someone I got to know through a local computer
singles group based here in the triangle area of NC. I liked him as a
friend in a group setting--so I agreed to go out with him [as friends,
as far as I was concerned] one on one.  Well, it turns out that
he DOES want a dating relationship with me. Well, after getting to 
know him, I decided that *I* want to keep it platonic, just as friends.
And we talked about it and he SAID he was fine with that. But he's 
still trying to pursue the dating routine and that makes me very uncomfortable.
Which is too bad because he could have been a fun 'friend' to hang out
with but with each of us wanting something different out of the
friendship, it looks like nothing will work... So for now, I'm
not seeing him at all one on one any more...

response 23 of 40:

Sep 23 19:50 UTC 1996

Hmmm...it goes both way for me.  I have male friends who are in no way
potential mates, and then there are a couple who I wouldn't hesitate to go
out with.  Happily, though, they are involved in loving relationships that
I hope last forever.  I wouldn't dare think of imposing.  To me, a loving
friendship with a man is a dear thing to me.  My male friends support me with
that inner masculine strength that (I hate to sound stereotypical) women don't
possess.  My female friends possess a feminine strength, which bonds me to
them, but men just have more of an oomph to the comfort zone.  It's also nice
to be able to call them up and know they won't mind you pleading for them to
take you to a wedding 'cause you refuse to go alone.  ;-)