response 1 of 28:

May 6 01:21 UTC 1994

To tackle your current problem first...Give up on the guy.  You have obviously
put alot of work into trying to formulate a professional relationship.  You
are probably gonna get alot of grief to come, and for that I am very sorry.
As to the question of how to solve it...hmmm.  Do you have any relationships
with men there?  If so, I would ask them if they notice it.  If they say they
have not, ask them to be on the look out.  I think if a man talks to a pig
like this maybe he'll get through.  If not, at least you'll have someone to
back you up if you have to go to the boss.  I would only go to the boss IF
nothing else worked, and then only with some male witnesses.  Its sounds bad
but thats what it will probably take.

As for sexism in general...I havewn't actually seen much of it.  Maybe its 
because I have limited work experience, but I have not seen it as a problem.
But obviously it is, or this would not happen to you.  I am not sure how
much good can be achieved by direct confrontation.  While it is necessary,
it does not do much good.  Now if the boss were to say, I saw you specifically
snubbing her because she is a woman, you better believe it will hit home.
The only way to combat sexism is education.  Education at the basest level,
that of the home.  From day one we begin to accumulate prejudices and biases,
and the parents are responsible for sorting these out.

Another point I would like to bring up, and which fits well with this topic,
is defining sexism.  I once told my mother I would like a wife that would
stay home and not work outside the home.  I did not say I would attempt to 
make her, only that this is what I would like.  Immediately my own mother
called me chauvanistic.  This confused me.  I have nothing against a woman
working but would merely prefer a wife that would stay home.  Is this sexist? 
Also the recent bill allowing 12 weeks of unpaid leave in all professions
(Family Leave Act?).  This seems crazy to me.  It was obviously passed to
prevent employers from firing a pregnant woman.  If someone cannot do the job
they cannot do the job!  Why put the emp[loyer through the added expense of
hiring and training a temp?  But I digress.  Sexism to me seems like anyhting
that does not overtly make opportunities equally available for man and women.
What is it to you?

response 3 of 28:

May 8 19:37 UTC 1994

I never personally had to deal with workplace sexism that I know of,
except that when I worked for Manpower 22 years ago they gave me a
typing test & didn't bother to ask if I could lift my own weight.  But
I have one thought: try to understand what his *real* problem is.  It
may not be pure sexism at all, you may remind him of his big sister &
another woman wouldn't have the same trouble.  But if he really thinks
women aren't human, asking him about this (with genuine interest and
polite curiosity) would at least clear the air, if it did not show him
the error of his ways.

response 5 of 28:

May 9 13:15 UTC 1994

   I think you're right, Valerie, you may be unable to shake his
predjudice against you.  Perhaps you need to decide just how damaging that
predjudice might be, and then decide if it's worth the effort to try to
fix it.
   My $.02:  To my knowledge I have not been the victim of sexism.
However when I was a teacher I found that each class I taught seemed to
have one or two students who made up their mind at the beginning of the
smester that they hated me, and nothing was going to shake their
conviction.  I didn't find a solution to this problem (it kept happening
right to the end), but I did take care not to return the prejudice, and I
often reminded myself that they were in the minority.  It helped that I
was in charge of the situation, and the students didn't really have any
power over me (although a couple did complain to my supervisor).  I'm not
sure if you have that advantage as well.
   So I took the high road, and never suffered much as a result.  I
understand this wouldn't work in all situations, however.

response 7 of 28:

May 13 15:51 UTC 1994

To me, this doesn't sound specifically like anything related to
femanism, but merely one of those Stupid people things that happens.
I've been eccentric for much of my life, so I've often run into
situations like this (non-conformity is not greated as a universal
virtue.)  Don't know that I have the answer, but here are some ideas.-

People never like to admit they're wrong - so confronting him, even with
your best arguments, will not change his mind - it may even backfire and
stiffen his resolve.  Ignoring him can work sometimes - but not after
you've confronted him or done anything to attract his attention.  If you
do that, then ignoring him is a sign of weakness and you will find no
mercy.  If you havern't done that, then ignoring him provides a graceful
way for him to discover he's wrong - or for you to discover you're wrong
which is also sometimes the case.  It's sometimes really hard to guess
at what somebody else is thinking if you don't know them well, and I
know I've sometimes been grieviously wrong.  Ignoring him is always a
good first rule however - sometimes time is all it takes.

There are more proactive ways of reacting.  They're also more dangerous
- so you don't want to do this if there is a better alternative.
Splitting him up from his buddy, by providing a more interesting
alternative, can be helpful.  For instances, having him run AV
equipment, run an errand, or whatever - unless he's totally negative, he
is likely to find any positive experience in the class a welcome change
from the negative carping of his neighbor.  Sometimes, just getting a
chance to talk to him alone & outside of the usual context can be
helpful - it's possible he could turn out to be quite a different person
than you expect.  If it's early in the life of the organization, you may
be able to split things up, by doing things such as rearranging the
chairs before people come in to sit down, or choosing an entirely
different room to meet in.  You may be able to disrupt the pattern
that's forming if you catch it early enough.  Once it's set & become the
norm, this won't work so well - people don't like to break habits.
Talking to a mutual friend may help - if you know somebody who knows him
you may be tl ask things like "What's [Bob]'s problem" or "What can I do
to get along better with [Bob]"? Your boss may also be another
possibility - and may be in a better position to rearrange things.  Your
boss can arrange thing like taking "the other guy" out and transfering
him to a different section, or sitting in on a class or so.  This
depends a lot on the kind of boss you have, of course.

response 11 of 28:

May 23 02:30 UTC 1994

Valerie, there really is hope.  The bad ones go and the good
ones stay. Buy a lotto ticket while your luck is on a roll.

response 15 of 28:

May 27 02:24 UTC 1994

Oh, that's really helpful, i.  Here Valerie didn't even want this item
to be a dialog about her, but rather about sexism, and you all just
tell her "Don't worry, Be Happy".

response 17 of 28:

May 27 19:29 UTC 1994

Ah, well that accounts for your brash niavete, then.  :)

response 21 of 28:

Jun 4 18:10 UTC 1994

(I can't wait to see Valerie's response to this.) headdoc thinks. . . .