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denise
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The Friendship Factor
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Aug 17 01:31 UTC 2007 |
Ok, here's another article, this one about gal pals...:
The Friendship Factor
Gal pals can help your health.
By Dorrit Bern with Jein Shore
Watch a movie about male buddies, and it's likely to be a wild action
flick. Yet the subtle, intriguing dynamics of female friendships have
always fueled TV ratings.
Fifty years ago, housewives Lucy Ricardo and Ethel Mertz were comical
mischief- makers in classic black and white. And by the turn of the
century, sophisticated Carrie Bradshaw and her three best girlfriends
were spilling details of their sex lives -- and their to-die-for
wardrobes -- for devoted cable viewers.
Those fictitious friendships were believable because they mirrored the
real-life relationships of so many women. Girlfriends have long hooked
up with girlfriends simply to share companionship, support,
confidences, heartaches, gossip and fun. But now researchers have
documented an eye-opening fringe benefit: Female friendships also are
good for a woman's health.
Harvard Medical School's highly regarded Nurses' Health Study found that
the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop
physical impairments as they aged and the more likely they were to be
happy -- regardless of whether they had a spouse. The researchers
concluded that not having close friends or confidantes was as
detrimental to a woman's health as smoking.
The reason, suggests a 2000 UCLA study on friendship among women, is
linked to the hormone oxytocin, which helps calm us when we're
stressed. Testosterone tends to reduce the effect of oxytocin in men,
but when it's released as part of the stress responses in a woman,
oxytocin triggers a more maternal response, favoring activities such as
caring for children and gathering with other women rather than fighting
or fleeing. This female bonding leads to the release of even more
oxytocin, which further counters stress and produces a beneficial
calming effect.
"I've always said that regardless of the paths our lives take, all women
are 'sisters,'" says Bettie Youngs, PhD, EdD, coauthor of Woman to
Woman Wisdom: Inspiration for Real Life . "We speak a common language
and share a universal bond. We comfort and encourage each other through
life's ups and downs. Because of our sharing with one another, we
quickly discover what is real and lasting in life."
"Female friendships often demonstrate the art of longevity. Marilyn
Miller of Texas has been close friends with Sue Hines of Iowa for 35
years. "We met in 1971 and discovered that we both had good senses of
humor, had similar stress in our jobs and enjoyed many of the same
activities," Marilyn says. "Over the years, our friendship strengthened
because we laughed together, cried together, trusted each other and
never judged each other."
"Distance hasn't lessened their bond. "We have stayed in touch by phone,
letter and e- mail, and have been there for each other in times of
births and deaths in our families," Marilyn says. "We may be separated
by many miles, but the friendship we built on trust, laughter and
nonjudgmental views will last as long as we live."
Take our quiz! Find out which famous TV friend you most resemble.
You may think you're as sweet and empathetic as Ugly Betty. But are you
really like shrewd, funny Blossom? Take our quiz at
FigureMagazine.com/friends.
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| 10 responses total. |
denise
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response 1 of 10:
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Aug 17 01:33 UTC 2007 |
So how are you with gal pals? Do you have any/many? How have they helped
you in life? What kinds of cool things do ya do together [or how often
can you keep in touch via online, phone, snail mail, etc?] How are you
able to maintain these relationships, or even develop them in the first
place?
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denise
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response 2 of 10:
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Aug 17 01:43 UTC 2007 |
[Ok, I took the 5 question quiz, though it was kind of silly and with
some of the questions, none of the answers were really 'me'. But I went
along with it and this is what they said:
''Which TV Friend are You Like?
Your Results:
You're like Monica from Friends, a woman who galvanizes an entire circle
of people to bond and share. Although friends sometimes find you
opinionated and overbearing, you're their rock. When life gets crazy,
you're always there to make a meal or host a get-together.''
Well, I wouldn't know for sure since I've only seen maybe one or two
episodes of Friends over all the years it was on, and I dunno if I even
watched the whole episodes of the ones I did have on... So I can't
couch for what Monica is like.
Nor did I look up the other possible results to compare mine with.
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denise
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response 3 of 10:
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Aug 17 02:03 UTC 2007 |
On a more personal side, I do enjoy the women friends that I have/had in
life, though there haven't really been too many of them. I've often
wished I had more and knew how to develop and maintain them [any kind
of friendship/relationship takes effort from both sides for it to make
it sustainable over time].
I do have a friend I've known since pre-kindergarten that I've been in
touch with off and on over all these years [about 45 years now]. We
talk on the phone every 2-3 months or so and even though I'm back in
Michigan, we've only been able to get together a couple times [mostly
due to her schedule, though for other reasons as well]. I've enjoyed
keeping in touch with her but it isn't the type of relationship that
some have been where we get into really 'deep' stuff, and we aren't
able to get together to go out for fun stuff, adventures, eating out,
etc. Though we did do a fair amount of stuff together as kids when we
lived on the same street and was in the same class at school for a few
years.
There's a HS friend that I do miss; we had a lot of fun together for a
number of years. I do need to try and get back in touch again [we kinda
lost touch once we both were married and more into the married life
thing]. In college, I did have some friends that I hung out with on
occasion [with my first degree, mainly people that I worked with,
though they were both male and female friends, it was more of group
activities than one on one. Except for one of my old roommates, I did
enjoy doing stuff with her. But once I got married while still in
college, I pretty much drifted away from the college friends, even
though I was still in school.] Working on my 2nd degree [after my
divorce], it was more hanging out on campus with my classmates [most of
the class was female]; we spent a lot of time hanging out in the
nursing school lounge, either just hanging out during breaks between
classes or studying together for exams; occasionally we'd get a group
together to go somewhere, too; and we did do some public service stuff
in the community as well.
In NC, it took awhile to meet and establish new friends--but there were
3 that I got to know well and we spent a lot of time together [2 from
work, one from elsewhere]. I still keep in touch with one of them at
least weekly, often more, through email. The other 2 are more sporadic,
mainly because they aren't as up on emailing as I am.
There was also a married couple that I had met on m-net that I hung out
with a lot; they moved down to NC due to a job transfer... And they
played a big role in my moving down a couple years later when I was
done with school. We spent several years doing stuff together down
there but in time, things just seemed to drift apart. And though it
wasn't 'just' a girlfriend sort of thing, as all 3 of us did stuff
together probably 90% of the time, it still was a good thing while it
lasted.
I've been back up here for almost 1 1/2 years now and still really miss
what I had down there. It's slow going in making/establishing new
friendships after a move, I'm trying to be patient with myself as a
couple new possibilities are opening up...
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slynne
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response 4 of 10:
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Aug 17 14:24 UTC 2007 |
I have a lot of really great people in my life. My problem mostly is
that it does take a lot of work to maintain friendships and I work a
lot and also enjoy spending a lot of time by myself. But I manage to
maintain close relationships with several women anyways. I sometimes
miss having a "best friend" who I would talk to every day about all the
little stupid things.
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denise
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response 5 of 10:
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Aug 17 15:06 UTC 2007 |
Ok, this is partly the fun of being a woman as well as partly going out
to have a good time with your girlfriends [I heard this song last
night]:
Artist/Band: Twain Shania
Lyrics for Song: Man! I Feel Like A Woman!
Lyrics for Album: Come On Over
Let's go girls
C'mon
I'm going out tonight--I'm feelin' alright
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise--really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions--make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts--short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction
Color my hair--do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
The girls need a break--tonight we're gonna take
The chance to get out on the town
We don't need romance--we only wanna dance
We're gonna let our hair hang down
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts--short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction
Color my hair--do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
Oh yeah,
The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun
Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy--forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts--short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild--yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action--feel the attraction
Color my hair--do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free--yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!
I get totally crazy
Can you feel it
Come, come, come on baby
I feel like a woman
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cyklone
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response 6 of 10:
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Aug 17 20:29 UTC 2007 |
There's nothing wrong with having same-sex friends to share life's ups and
downs with. However, a recent study found that women who bond over "bitch
sessions" in fact do more poorly on long-term mental health, apparently
because it reinforces the negative feelings, which then persist longer.
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marcvh
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response 7 of 10:
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Aug 17 20:36 UTC 2007 |
I think that's a common danger with a duo; in a group of 2 there's a
greater risk you'll end up forming this dysfunctional dyad reinforcing
one another's worst qualities and making them seem normal. I'm not
saying most pairings are like that, but groups of 2 seems more
susceptible to it (think Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold) than groups of,
say, 4 (think Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha.)
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denise
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response 8 of 10:
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Sep 11 02:48 UTC 2007 |
From re:6 <<There's nothing wrong with having same-sex friends to share
life's ups and downs with. However, a recent study found that women who
bond over " bitch sessions" in fact do more poorly on long-term mental
health, apparently because it reinforces the negative feelings, which
then persist longer.>>
But did this study also look at the total relationship--like were these
friends relationship primarily just bitch sessions, gossiping,
complaining, etc? Or was the bitch sessions just a part of the whole?
Sure, I think in any relationship[s] of 2 or more, people are going to
bitch and complain. But how many friends do you keep that are only
complainers?
Just wondering...
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slynne
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response 9 of 10:
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Sep 11 17:30 UTC 2007 |
I think that "bitch sessions" can be really productive. I often process
things by talking about them and I have some friends who are really good
at helping me come up with solutions to things that are bothering me.
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denise
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response 10 of 10:
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Sep 11 19:01 UTC 2007 |
Very true. And sometimes just bitching/venting about something--talking
out loud to someone without necessarily getting their input, is enough
for you to think/work things through. That happens quite a bit.
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