response 1 of 21:

Jul 5 20:40 UTC 2001

 P.S. I decided to put this in the femme conference because I'm 
thinking in terms of women and their reactions to relationships, and 
what is healthy for them. 

response 3 of 21:

Jul 5 22:52 UTC 2001

It also depends on if it'd be healthy for you to be just "friends".  In some
cases, it's a way for them to tell you to get lost, and not seem like a real
jerk, but if they give you the kiss off, and begin seeing someone else, can
you handle it?  Friends or not.  Personally, I don't think there is any going
back to friends post relationship/involvement.  Too much emotional baggage.

response 5 of 21:

Jul 6 01:39 UTC 2001

No, but it happens eventually.  

I guess you have to rely on if you were friends before hand, what kind of
friends, and then how both of you acted during the relationship.  It's all
a set of variables, but if you open yourself up to someone, then usually it's
hard to just let go and be friends.

response 7 of 21:

Jul 6 14:44 UTC 2001

i moved an ex into the house where i lived
for a year.  there were a couple of tense
times.  we remain friends.
it can be done, if you really care about eachother,

make no mistake it's a lot of work, and there will
be some pain.

response 9 of 21:

Jul 10 06:53 UTC 2001

I couldn't resist that one.

OK, I am male.
But when it comes to emotions it is the same. Some say I am puty in the 
hands of women which makes me eligable to hurt.

In one case (the only woman I thought I was going to grow old with and 
desired to do so) she wanted to stay friends after she dumped me for 
another as she wanted to at least keep the deep relationship we shared. 
I should never have agreed to that. It completely demolished me 
emotionally for the better of two years, and still sometimes the memory 
of her haunts me to the points of interference with other relationships.

The other case, the relationship just died like a candle. We managed to 
stay friends. Cordial, yes. Endearment even too, but no other emotions.
We meet up once a year or so. She lives most of the year in Greece.

I am biased on this one.
But let me tell you this: I'd rather stay friends with somebody than 
risk the relationship we share by getting romantically involved. That's 
the other side of the staying friends story.

response 11 of 21:

Jul 30 02:17 UTC 2001

I am currently thanking God for having read this.  I am far more known on
m-net than on here . . .but here is the gist - my husband of 5 years and I
(whom I met on m-net) are currently in the process of splitting up - well,
let's just say that there is a slim chance we won't - but we aren't hedging
our bets.  

We are currently trying to do this in a way where we can remain friends with
each other - and quite frankly (and I realize that I am one emotional wreck
right now, so what I say now and what I say in 7 minutes could be totally
different) - I don't not want Gary in my life.  He is such an integral part
of my life that it just seems unreal.  

So - you ask if I should stay friends or not?  Fuck the papers, articles -
everyone - I am doing this *my* way - I am staying true to me - and right now,
that means communicating with Gary more honestly than I EVER have - crying
a hell of a lot, and just trying to take it minute by minute.

So Stacie - thank you - this weighs heavily on my mind right now - you are
a true blessing in disguise.

response 13 of 21:

Jul 30 16:11 UTC 2001

marc was my best friend before we married, and he is still my
best friend.  i cant imagine a life without him in it.
he has been a part of my life for about 15 years now.

depending on the reason for a breakup, i can say that we would
probably remain close.

my condolences brooke. 

response 15 of 21:

Aug 12 01:52 UTC 2001

Just be friends....

In my mind, i guess it just depends on the situation.  If you've got a
relationship without a friendship, then forget it.  If someone is too
attached to the relationship to gracefully let go, "just friends" will
be miserable.  If you've got a good friendship and a never-amounted-to-
much relationship, then clearly yes.

response 17 of 21:

Aug 17 13:25 UTC 2001

Of my three ex's, I'm good friends with one, would be friends with the second
if he wasn't an obnoxious twit (as it is, I can put up with him decently
well), and the third I'm still pretty good friends with, although that one
is the hardest, mostly because I was the closesest to him.  But I wouldn't
give up that friendship for the world, even if I don't talk to him all that
often, and really don't see him much.  But I also know that if I have
problems, or if he does, we can call each other, and get automatic support,
no questions asked.

response 19 of 21:

Nov 24 18:52 UTC 2001

Re: staying friends after a breakup ... 

I have four exes.  I am able to be friendly with all but one -- but it
couldn't happen right away.  We both had to go on with our lives first.  My
first ex took 20 years or so for us to be friends ... but we had a child
together and had planned on "forever".  My second ex, it only took a few
months ... we loved each other dearly, and also had a child together, but I
think at some level we both knew that while it was intense, it wasn't forever.
My third ex, well, we broke up almost 10 years ago, and I still love him, but
going back to being friends wasn't hard.  My last ex and I broke up less than
a year ago, and we are civil, but it's not time to be friends yet.  But we
never had much in common outside of "romance", so I doubt wee'll ever be
really close friends.

Someone up there said that "staying friends" was more continuum than a binary
decision, and I have to say that that's the case.  I don't see any of my exes
often, but in most instances, I enjoy it thoroughly these days when it
happens.  Even with the one who drove me nuts and I'd have as soon strangled
as talked to for 20 years.  He finally "grew up".  (Or I did ... )