remmers
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The Plan
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Apr 6 04:18 UTC 1994 |
Okay, here's the deal. First we'll buy two round trip plane tickets
to Omaha for $430 each plus tax. Then we'll drive to Peoria, buy a
copy of Boswell's "Life of Johnson" at B. Dalton's in the mall there.
At the bottom of page 256, we will write the words "codger litmus",
but backwards. Then we'll fold our tickets to Omaha in half, insert
them between pages 210 and 211 of the book, stick the book in a large
ziplock freezer bag, afix the bag to the bottom of the car with duct
tape, and drive home. We will do this exactly one day before our
flight.
In the meantime, we'll have Fred go to the drugstore on the corner of
5th and Main at 1:30 p.m. sharp and purchase a roll of Tums. He will
then go to the restaurant one block east of there, sit in a booth as
far from the entrance as possible, and order a club sandwich and a
coke. As soon as a woman in a green dress enters the restaurant, he
will inconspicuously drop the roll of Tums onto the floor and push it
back underneath the seat with his foot. Then he'll depart, leaving
enough money on the table to cover the bill plus tip.
As soon as we get back home, we'll drive the car into the garage,
close the garage door, and retrieve the ziplock bag with the copy of
Boswell in it from underneath the car. We'll tear off page 256 that
we wrote on in Peoria, but for now won't touch the tickets that we
stuck between pages 210 and 211. I'll leave the book with you and
take page 256 to the restaurant where Fred left the roll of Tums. By
this time it will be after the dinner hour, so the restaurant
shouldn't be too crowded. I'll look under the booths until I find the
roll of Tums. If anybody asks I'll just say I'm looking for a twenty
dollar bill that I lost earlier. As soon as I find the Tums, I'll put
them in my left pants pocket, take out the page from Boswell, fold it
twice, and stick it behind the salt and pepper shakers in one of the
empty booths. Then I'll come home.
In the meantime, you'll take the plane tickets out of the book, roll
them up into a cylinder and put a rubber band around them so they
won't unroll. Put them underneath the southeast corner of the
oriental rug in the living room. Then turn on the TV and watch the
news until I get home. If the phone rings, answer it on the third
ring. If it's Fred, say "the potatoes are in the bassinet", then hang
up. As soon as I get home, we'll tune the TV to the Cartoon Network
and go to bed, leaving the TV on all night at low volume.
In the morning we'll drive to the airport and catch our flight to
Omaha. I'll pack the Tums; you remember to get the tickets from
underneath the rug. You'd better unroll them and put them under a
paperweight for an hour or so before we leave, to flatten them out.
Bring the rubber band along so we can roll up the return tickets when
we get to Omaha.
I think that pretty much covers everything. The only thing I can
think of that might go wrong is if the Dalton's in Peoria is out of
Boswell's "Life of Johnson". If that happens, we're screwed. So what
I'll do is, I'll call ahead and make sure they've got a copy and ask
them to hold it. If they're out, we'll go to Waldenbooks instead.
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sirnose
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response 3 of 14:
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Apr 7 03:21 UTC 1994 |
You must consider what would happen should some kid spill his coke in the
restaurant... Such would inevitably lead to the TUMS being swept away...
Also, as plans go, it's a bit expensive... I mean, aren't plans supposed
to be economical, or something?
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