The absoulute WORST movie you've ever seen

Mar 28 00:59 UTC 1994

What is the absoulute worst, cheapest, stupidest, most obscure movie you have
ever seen? I want to know.

        The worst movie I've ever seen was called "Monos the Hands of Fate". It
was a movie that was filmed in Tulsa, and it had the production values of a 
home movie. The plot (or what there was of it) was that a man named Monos had
a buch of wives. Then a family gets lost and is greeted at Monos's ranch home
By Monos's horribly stupid, gimp legged, fondling freak of a servant, Torgo.
The mother and daughter are taken to be wives (and the daughter is about 7) 
and the man is knocked out. Then, they plan a sacrafice of one of his wives,
sothey spend about a half an hour in this stupid cat fight with a bunch of
wierd music in the background, and in the end, the girl and daughter become his
 wives, and Torgo is sacraficed for fondling the wives.

Consequently, about 2 years after I saw it, it was shown on 'Mystery Science
Theater 3000' they did a great job with it.

response 2 of 291:

Mar 28 01:17 UTC 1994

   Most likely the worst movie *I* ever saw was something called
"Spires at the end of life", which was about the tips of buildings.
It was one of these artsy films, which pretended to use cinematic
effects to say something.  Just what that something was, was lost on
me and everyone else in the audience.  It was two hours of looking at
the tops of buildings, or fragments of them, intermixed with scenes
from a children's playground.  Picture the camera taking pictures of
the buildings being moved in a counter-clockwise circle.  Take
pictures of a playground in clockwise circles; and superimpose the
building shots as little diamonds, which themselves moved (ontop
of the playground image).
   The most unbelievable aspect of this film was its length.  I
would swear it was half a year long but I am assured that it was
actually less than two hours.
    There was thunderous applause at its conclusion.  We didn't
have to watch (and endure) any more.

response 4 of 291:

Mar 28 01:43 UTC 1994

As someone who has probably seen every bad Scifi/sf/horror/etc movie the
late-late-late-so-late-it's-next-week show has to offer, My vot is:
_The Creeping Terror_

A movie absolutely unique in it's badness. If you like really bad *cheap*
sf movies, rent this!

response 6 of 291:

Mar 28 02:48 UTC 1994

Add _Hawk, The Slayer_ to that list.  Cheep scifi/fantasy flick.

response 8 of 291:

Mar 28 03:48 UTC 1994

Ooh, popcorn!  _The_Manchurian_Candidate_ wasn't "random" or
"senseless", not by a long shot.  That's one of the scariest
films I've seen, and you're talking to someone who's read
Lovecraft before going to bed and had no trouble falling asleep.

response 10 of 291:

Mar 28 05:00 UTC 1994

Wings ofver Berlin or somesuch ties with The Cook, The thief, et al in my
book.  I spent more time wondering about why my feet were sticking to the
floor then in watching the movies!

response 12 of 291:

Mar 28 11:53 UTC 1994

I've been having trouble thinking of something to add to this item
because I agree with #0 that "Manos - the Hands of Fate" is just
about the worst ever.

"Creation of the Humanoids" gets at least an honorable mention,
though.  (Greg will disagree.)

Maybe there should be two categories: (1) bad movies made on a shoe
string budget by people nobody ever heard of and that nobody really
expected to be any good, and (2) expensive turkeys with a big name
case and crew that just turned out to be awful despite high hopes.
So that we don't compare apples and oranges.

"Manos" would be a type 1 bad movie.  From all reports, "Hudson Hawk"
(which I haven't seen) would be a prime type 2.

response 14 of 291:

Mar 28 14:11 UTC 1994

How about a third category for movies with the greatest gap between
actual quality and their reputations with film buffs, cultists, and
culturato-wannabes?  I put "Casablanca" near the top of that list.

response 16 of 291:

Mar 28 14:46 UTC 1994

No, you're all wrong.  The single worst movie is "Drop Dead Fred".  The
only movie that comes close is "Hardware".  I've seen *thousands* of movies
and none come close.

response 18 of 291:

Mar 28 18:28 UTC 1994

2001? Philistine.

As for category 3: The quintesesntial category 3 movie has to be _The
Rocky Horror Picture Show_. If it hadn't somehow adopted this late night
performace art reputation, it would have died without a trace and only
rarely have showed up on the late-latte-late-etc show.

response 20 of 291:

Mar 28 20:00 UTC 1994

But Rocky Horror was bound to become a cult classic!  Any movie so deliberately
campy and sleazy would...

I enjoy cheap, bad films when they're so bad they're funny.  Take, for
instance, a John Waters film like Pink Flamingos.  This film was obviously
meant to be very bad and insulting, which somehow made it funny.  And then
there are films like Plan 9, which is supposed to be taken seriously yet
is so bad it's funny.

Then there are incredibly bad and insulting flicks that somehow don't come
across as amusing at all, and aren't even fun to make fun of.  I saw this
one film (can't remember the name) starring Joe Piscipo and Treat Williams.
It had some lame plot about a machine that reanimates dead animals and
people.  This film so offended my intelligence that I wasn't the least bit
amused.  The only movie in my life I walked out on.  I'd rather have
toothpicks driven under my nails than see even a minute of this film again.

response 22 of 291:

Mar 29 01:36 UTC 1994

Listen. I don't care how long it is, any movie by Stanley Kubrick is a classic
in my eyes. Whoever said '2001' should be put in a dark room with 'monos for a
few days.

response 24 of 291:

Mar 29 02:22 UTC 1994

Make that two, polygon.  I've somehow maganed to avoid that movie
for 25 Christmases.

I'll definitely second "Highlander II."  Makes "Manos" look good.