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response 1 of 12:
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Aug 5 20:30 UTC 1997 |
Top Ten stupid stuff to do when there is no stupiud holiday...
or how I stopped worrying and started a holy war.
10. Make up a stupiud holiday (celebrating boxer shorts or something).
Call in to work and try to get time off for it.
Claim religeous significance, and threaten discrimination
charges if you have to. Be insistant.
9. Make up some really stupid and obnoxious rites for this holiday,
climb up on the nearest highest roof and celebrate at the
top of your lungs. Perform these rites, and make sure
they are at everyone's expense. If people complain,
claim religeous significance. Threaten that your
rights to follow the tenants of your religeon are
being threatened. (hint: it's in the bill of rights and other
big important legal papers that are supposed to protect everybody)
8. Make up some stupid reasons other people might want to celebrate
what ever it is that you made up the holiday about. Then go
door to door and explain to everyone you can find that this
holiday, and yes the tenants of what you belive are right and
valid, and why don't you believe them? (If they ask why you
are doing this, you can say "because Gazzoons told me so.")
7. Run around on campuses and other hi density public places and grab people
by the collar and demand that they follow the tenants of your
religeon. ("if you don't accept that politeness is a very bad
thing, then bugs will eat your corpse after you die!")
If you get in trouble, proclaim aliegence to the republican party.
6. By now you should eather have a large following or be in jail. We will
assume the former. Consolidate your following, by performing
more rediculous rites and stockpiling weapons. Have potlucks in
your basement. Harrass others who don't believe in your religeon.
And most importantly, VOTE. (Boxer shorts are people, too!)
5. Send out others of your most trusted followers (the more rabidly faithful
the better) to go door to door, or to grab collars at other campuses
and public places accross the country. Let them run thier own
small groups in these places, just as long as they consider *you*
cannon.
4. In order to continue to fund the potlucks, you have each conclave of
followers start a business. (child care works wonders: then you
can have a large younger following that you couldn't get before!)
3. Make arms deals with the government. Keep voting. Have others of your
following infiltrate different businesses and make life difficult
the infadels who don't believe in your religeon.
2. If you see that you have two fairly large anclaves in one large city,
take the jealous, most rabidly faithful leader and take him/her
aside, and say that you have a *secret* teaching, which contridicts
some of the original tenents, but is the secret of what makes
*you* a more holy person. Tell that person *anything*, the
more stupiud and outlandish,the better. Say apon leaving that
it's the only TRUE way, and the others have misrepresented you all
along. Sit back and wait!
1. CONGRADULATIONS! if everything went well, you should now have a holy war.
Remember, it always helps to fan the flames a bit, by telling each
group something slightly different. The only problem is that at this
point in the program you get assasinated and hailed as a martyr.
But what the hell, it's something to do between dumb holidays
when you get bored.
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WARNING: Welcome to the warning section. Hope you have had fun.
Just thought I'd mention some of the following:
1. I did not make this up. (I didn't do this either) it is not
an original idea, but to my knowledge it isn't copywrighted.
2. Doing this is not only copycatting, but it's one of the oldest
tricks in the book.
3. This is meant to intertain, not instruct.
(psssst, hey buddy, want to buy a religeon?)
4. This was not meant to offend anyone. Chill out, it could
be about anybody. (Hint: it's posted in ACCORDIONS. Do we take
*anything* seriously??)
;-P
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response 4 of 12:
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Aug 6 01:05 UTC 1997 |
My favorite holiday is Bong-swa-he day. It happens when ever you have
time, can last as long as you dare, and can happen any number or times of
the year that you can schedule/aford. And in honor of anything, or for it's
own sake. ( For it's own sake is in the spirit of the tradional Bong-swa-he
day. That way, you can have a supprise party for someone *not* on their
b-day, and simply say "happy bong-swa-he day") IF they persist on asking,
you simply say, "Just for the hell of it."
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